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Varieties of Conservatism
July 24, 2008, 2:06 pm
Filed under: Culture, Philosophy, Politics | Tags:

There are 2 kinds of conservatives: Budweiser conservatives and craft brewery conservatives.

Budweiser conservatives mindlessly drink soulless, flavorless, cheaply produced Bud because they’ve always done so. They think of other beers as a bit fey (effeminate). They think real men drink Bud. They think Bud commercials are hilarious. They watch NASCAR and UFC. They listen to Toby Keith. They want an easy drinking way to get drunk fast. Their idea of the perfect night out ends with a one night stand, and if necessary, date rape. They are barbarians. They are conservative, if at all (and I doubt it), only in the most shallow sense. They think being conservative is a matter of NOT being one of those fruity liberals.

Craft brewery conservatives drink flavorful beer brewed with care by some local craftsmen, not by some faceless corporation. They appreciate its quirkiness and personality. They are willing to take the time to appreciate its subtleties. They use it to enhance good conversation. They are conservative in a deep and abiding sense.

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